Bound by chains of indifference…

…and fears.

Quite a while ago:

over a couple of months Ava Sophie had several close persons she trusted telling her she’s a bad person(and exactly how bad), telling her everything she had done (and still do) wrong. At the time when things were said, she thought:

“This is wrong. They can say it, think it, and have that opinion(obviously express it as well), but what I am hearing now is not true! That is not the kind of person I am, and they have got it wrong.”

Unfortunately, when people are close, and when you care about then, their opinion of you will matter at one point. You can try all you want to keep a distance to what has been said or done, but at the end of the day(or after a while), it will sink in, and it will really hurt.

Ava Sophie had no problem with forgiving these persons.

With Gods help, Ava Sophie had no problem with forgiving these persons. She had two other challenges, though: she was hurt, and it wouldn’t disappear from her memory even though she had forgiven. Second, She let it get to her. Which is human. As humans we are vulnerable, weak, sensitive and we have a limited set of tools to protect and shield ourselves with.

In this period Ava Sophie had a failure report on all of her shields. they just dropped down and let everything in. She felt numb. Cold. She couldn’t do anything, just laid there shaking. Not even being able to sleep. Not being able to speak.

It was like she had frozen, and couldn’t get out of it.

Her boyfriend called her closest friends in the community, and just held around her meanwhile. At the time it was like she didn’t feel it. Ava Sophie had led a life filled with fear, anxiety, and depression, in her past.  An anxiety attack wasn’t unusual. But this was nothing like an anxiety attack, or depression. She’s never experienced anything like it, before or after. To this day she can’t really explain what happened.

She was bound by chains of indifference.

Looking back, she could see how essential it was to be held and get to talk with her friends in the community as soon as possible afterwards.

We need eachother to show Jesus' love for the world

She could only see judgement and judged herself for all she did, almost scared to do anything. Scared that she might do anyone anything wrong, when she only meant good. Scared to be selfish.

The devil had gotten a hold on her.

The way back was encouraged by her boyfriend, the community telling her truths from The Bible, and be met with Jesus’ unconditional love.  It took her a long time to start trusting again. It took a long time…

…for the hurt to heal.

…for her to be able to be herself.

…for her to stop pleasing everybody else.

…to start taking care of herself.

But in that time God has done many things in her. Countless things. Huge things. Lessons.

But most of all God showed her how much he loved her.
What he gave up for her.
What he has done, are doing, and will do in her.

He showed her she is forgiven and that there is no judgement for those in Christ.

“Miracle” -Sarah Groves

Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
Quiet our hearts for a little while

Things have been spoken
Shouldn’t be said
Rattles around in our hearts and our heads

Let’s feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn’t heal
Oh, it’s a miracle, it’s a miracle

Things have been spoken
Shouldn’t be said
Rattles around in our hearts and our heads

Let’s feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn’t heal
Oh, it’s a miracle, love is a miracle

Let’s feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn’t heal
Oh, it’s a miracle

Let’s say what we cannot say
Let’s see what we cannot not see
Let’s hear what we could not hear
Oh it’s a mystery, love is a mystery
Oh it’s a miracle, it’s a miracle
Let’s be a miracle

In this time between being bound by and breaking free from the chains, Ava Sophie went through a process where she gradually stopped hiding from conflicts and uncomfortable situations. She now see that it is love to stand through it all no matter how hard it is. Of course there are situations where you will have to distance yourself for own protection -we are called to:

If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”Romans 12:18

She dared to trust again. Little by little. She stopped trying to please everybody. She is letting go of the hurt. She is ready to be herself -the girl she is in Christ. Ava Sophie is called to give comfort and love, even in difficult situations.

With Jesus by her side always.

Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

But it has to start with allowing herself to be God’s child, accepting His love, knowing that she is loved and love herself as God loves her. Knowing she is His beloved.

Then, She can love her neighbor as herself.

Crystal Stine shared her story over at (in)Courage about how she was hurt by someone in her community, how it affected her ability to trust, and how God used the bad to lead her back to community, to show her how important it is, and what a blessing it is.

Ava Sophie wouldn’t last long without a community of brothers and sisters in faith. Without a community of people with close relationships with Jesus. Some may think of it as weak, but study The Bible and you’ll find out what God says about it and also why we need to live in a close community. It is simple, too:

We need each other to show Jesus’ love for the world.

In a close community(as in all close relations) conflicts might to appear. Hurt may find its way to your heart. That is why Paul wants us to be fix our mind onto:

“(…)whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]” Philippians 4:8(AMP)

As Christians we are not perfect. We won’t be perfect until God has finished His work in us. We are humans, and we makes mistakes. In God’s eyes we are good enough. But if you experience that someone hurts you, I want to encourage you to give it to the Lord, Jesus Christ, and then forgive the person(s) that has done you wrong.

Also I want to encourage you to go to some of the leaders in your community or some of those close to you(with a close relationship with Jesus) and ask them to help you get through it. We are human, and it is okay to feel hurt, but it is not Jesus’ wish for you to be controlled by it. It is not His wish for you to let the devil get to you.

Jesus wishes to be there for you and to heal you from whatever you carry.
The healing may take time,
it may hurt,
but it will happen if you let Jesus in.

Begin a new life with Jesus by your side, today!

God bless you.

Five Minute Friday

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4 thoughts on “Bound by chains of indifference…

  1. Thank you for your transparency. I really appreciate when bloggers share from the depths of their soul. I appreciate you sharing how you are pressed through your struggle, through hurt and then indifference. Indifference is probably the more frightening. I have often wondered that God has caused much of my growth through the difficult people who He handpicked for my life. Your story is heartfelt and helpful. Thank you. :)

    Like

    • Thank you, Jackie, for your kind words and appreciation! It means a lot.
      It is true that God make the difficult situations(and people) to something good- and it makes us grow more. I’m glad the story was helpful! It took me a year to get it written down- like it can be with difficult parts of our lives sometimes… God bless your week:o)

      Like

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