…but you discover it is not what you wanted.
I have a plan.
A plan for my life.
I have a plan for my family and for my child.
I have plans for the future.
Some of the plans are of my own designs, some of the plans were made based on what I believe is God who has shown a tiny little brick of HIS plan for my life, which is the basis for deciding that plan. Not that I necessarily understand that tiny little brick of a plan…
And some plans are carefully planned with my husband and other close ones that has a say in my life.
This week, life went according to my plan.
And I sort of got confirmation that it for some reason was a part of God’s plan as well. Which is great!
This week, life went in favor of a plan that my husband and I take very seriously, because we’re thinking about the future. Which is great!
We just got married, I study full time and have a kid from an earlier relationship(before I met Jesus), and my husband has a need of change in the job situation because of physical health, the economic, and to finally be able to have the priorities God has recommended for us: God, family and THEN work.
I am really tired, he is really tired and we find ourselves struggling with getting the everyday-life to come around in a GOOD way… So for us, it is only natural to decide to wait a few(or more) years before starting expanding our family.
Thing is, for a few weeks I have had more than five different signs that there might be family expansion on the way. To be honest, it really wouldn’t be a good thing right now because of the situation. And to be honest, I didn’t really think that the test would be positive. But, It is a little hard not to notice all of those signs, so we took a test to be sure(we took a blood sample to be 100% sure).
The test was negative. Which is great!
I don’t feel great.
I feel sad. I feel that I lost something, that wasn’t even there to begin with.
Only for a moment I asked God “why?”, before I realized all the good reasons for why. I also realized that in our situation right now(and at least three years ahead), this is a blessing. But it doesn’t feel like a blessing. I feel sad. And for two days I haven’t been able to “shake off” my sadness. My comfort is (no matter how ridiculous this mourning of mine feels):
Blessed are they that mourn,
for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
A lesson from Jesus
Someone have pointed out that Jesus said to his disciples before crossing a lake, “We’ll cross over”. During the crossing, the disciples get scared and are sure that the boat will go under. The point is that Jesus pointed out the heading, he never said it would be easy, but he didn’t say we’ll go under. He said:
We will cross over.
I also take comfort in that he said “we”. He is with us all the time, and he will make sure we won’t go under in our trials. Just like he were with the disciples and made sure they didn’t go under(DESPITE their lack of faith).
I figure that I AM blessed to have confirmation that God’s plan matches mine, that I am blessed with less worries in this time when I feel overwhelmed by tiredness and all that has to be done for the everyday to come around, that Jesus is not only with me, but also WILL comfort me.
I am blessed that no matter how ridiculous my sorrows feels to me, there is nothing too small or too big for my savior Jesus Christ.
I am blessed to have a husband that understands my sorrow even though he doesn’t feel ready for bringing a baby to life just yet, blessed to have people around me to remind me of the scripture and show me new perspectives. I am blessed.
And it is okay for me to feel the sadness I feel for a while. It is okay to mourn, even for something that was never there.
It is okay to bring everything to Jesus.
He want’s us to.
I wrote this post months ago, but I was not ready to share it. However, I want to encorage those that mourn for something. It is okay to mourn(as long as we don’t get lost in the mourning process). It is also a great opportunity to share your thoughts with Jesus, invite Him in and let Him heal you.
You were never meant to carry anything alone.
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee where we share stories of how God has changed us.